Wednesday, 21 March 2012

Chronic Fatigue Syndrome...trully exhausting

The past few months, I have been suffering from a strange problem, I recently figured out its called " The Chronic  Fatigue Syndrome". It is something, most of us would never acknowledge as a real condition or physical problem. TO a Lay person, it may seem , one is being, plain lazy or lethargic. Others may think the person is suffering from borderline clinical depression. The thing is CFS is a real condition. You wake up tired. You feel a deep fatigue in your body , sometimes the exhaustion is so much you can barely brush your teeth or take a shower. Small everyday chores, you did fairly easily in the past, all seem uphill tasks. You never get enough sleep. Activities still give you pleasure, In your head , you still plan to do things but are unable to physically execute them. I love writing, yet in the past three months, I haven't been able to write even my blog. I haven't read a book either and I used to devour books prior to this condition.

I initially thought, my mind, heart and body have taken a lot of shit in the past 15 years. Perhaps , my body just wants its share of rest. There had been so many rapid changes, ups and down, so many battle I had to fight , one after another, it seemed like a plausible explanation. Yet the fatigue just wouldn't reduce. I knew I was not depressed. When one is depressed you don't enjoy activities, or company of friends, I was still enjoying everything, just didn't have the energy to do them any more.

I went down my metaphysical road to figure out the cause. One thing is sure, your body only reflects whatever your mind/heart/soul is going through. Any illness boils down to fear/anger/resistance. I have an understanding, when faced by a lower energy such as fear/anger, the best way to deal with is , to push through them, face them head on. I have started forcing myself to accomplish small tasks everyday. One phone call, before my nap, I requested my friend to take me out for short spans of time. I started to re-write, no matter how small , my article or story might be. Water is the best cleanser we have. I consciously increased my intake of water. I have not yet recovered. The aches and pains are like one experiences during and after flu.

I chose to share this today, because people assume, being a healer means you will never be inflicted with physical problems, but that's like saying a doctor never falls ill. I am sharing what I am going through, yet how I am dealing with it not as a physical ailment but with an understanding of the principles behind it.  I choose to use natural therapies. I believe once my purging is over and I continue to work with the energies all around me, I will bring back into balance whatever part of me that is no longer in balance. It could be my chakras, my yin and yang, it could be a stagnant belief system or a deep rooted fear or resistance. i am also sharing this because, a lot of people out there, maybe going through similar condition and yet are not being taken seriously by those around them.

As a friend or a spouse, this condition may test your patience. You may believe its only psychosomatic or pure lethargy. The fact is, its very real. No one likes having a fogged up brain and aching limbs all day. No one asks to feel fatigue , even after a full night's rest. No one likes to see chores piling up. What they need from you is understanding and support. Above all gentle encouragement that nudges them to do small things , perhaps help them by breaking things into small steps for them. If you're lucky to have gardens or parks near where you live, take them for few minutes and let them sit or lie down on the grass after a small walk. Mother earth has amazing curative powers. Their emotional state is vulnerable so try not to have arguments or speak in loud tones, it literary makes our body jittery.

If you're the one going to CFS, try to do things slowly, don't force yourself to do too much, even on days when you're feeling good, it just leads to relapse, take it from me.Do ask for help and explain to your family and friends what it is you're going through. Eat more of natural food and increase your water in take. Don't make the mistake of taking medication meant for depression, as it will not help you.

To be honest, I am feeling drained already, yet I'm happy I managed to write today. I can tick of one thing from my to-do list. That makes me feel good.....

Sunday, 18 March 2012

On budgets and payments....

When I was young, My parents, teachers and even the story books I read all tried to tell me the same things. Dedication, hard-work and discipline take you a long way. When things get tough, work harder, stay honest , keep the faith and it all works out in your favor eventually.

Its the time of the budget again. Everyone I know was glued in front of the television, trying to make sense of what a man with an accent of a buffalo was saying. As a child I grew up watching my dad, follow every budget very carefully. He would then plan his investments and cut downs based on it. He would generally be in a foul mood for the rest of the day. I never did understand much then, frankly I don't understand much now. All I know is the bottom line , every time is, everything ends up becoming more and more unaffordable.Everything from milk, fruits and vegetables become expensive. My dream of living in a bigger house always gets pushed a bit more closer to the horizon. With iron, cement and bricks, the  raw material costing more it obviously means, my small family has to continue to make do, with gratitude in a small 590 square feet space called home. All I know is, my husband, who by the way has dedication, discipline, talent, hard work for two people and then some, cannot afford to spend money on commuting to go and search for a job.

The last three years, any one who has a job, is clinging onto it for dear life. No one is secure anymore, talent be damned, no one knows when there will be lay offs and what aspect of their behaviour will be looked upon unfavourably by the authorities and they will become the marked ones. This means, certain levels of jobs are choc o bloc, there is no movement, there is no hiring.

My husband, had a dream. Since he was in the 8th grade, he wanted to make films. Slowly over the years, it had dawned upon him, he needs to know the correct people to make the dream a reality. He clutches to this dream with all his passion. In the mean time, he gave up a plush, well paying job, because he saw an opportunity of realising his dream. True, his decision based on emotions. To pay his bills he chose to work in the television industry. The thing is , he worked like a dog. He loves his work so much, it hurts the observer to see. He takes care of every minor detail, make up of an artiste, the sculpture that's incomplete, a set that needs to be made but the art director is not around, the costume that needs to be designed and made, he takes it upon himself and does it. He never asked for applause for it, or extra payment or ever credit. It broke my heart when, two ladies he has been working for , the last few months haven't paid him his dues. Six months of waiting for his payment, he went to one, who makes these soaps based on the lives of God, her show has a lot of words of wisdom on karma, yet this family owned firm, after six months, harassed him for two whole weeks, asking him to wait in the hallway for his payments, everyday making him commute and wait, finally told him, they wouldn't be paying him as much he was supposed to get, in fact far less. He accepted that. At least, we would be able to buy groceries and pay our bills ,which we haven't been able to do for last few months. Then they dropped the bomb, if, when he is given the cheque it would be post dated for another month and a half.  In desperation, he went to the other lady to ask for his pittance of payment for an odd free lance job he had done for her. Might I add, the raw material cost , was half of what they are paying him. He, requested her, citing her financial problems and requesting a release for his payments. The lady wrote back rudely, exclaiming everybody needs moneys!!!!

The things is, perhaps these ladies , who are extremely over weight , keep citing financial problems too, to avoid making payments. Yet I have yet to see, their families suffering due to non payment of bills. They spend more on a party in a night, than they need to pay my husband. These women, who make these soaps with lectures on karma, don't seem to realise, what goes around, does come around. Today they have the power, tomorrow someone else will. Today, they don't need to think from where their groceries come from, tomorrow they will. Today, they have people around them, because they have power, in just a few years, they will be old and lonely and no one will care, because they will have no currency of good karma .

Coming back to the budget, the bottom line is, every thing is going to get expensive. All the elders who told us to work with dedication, discipline, hard work etc, perhaps were not aware of the film and television industry. Had they been, they would have taught us other values, certainly not one of faith. I day dream sometimes, wishing their was this acres of land, my grand pa had willed to me, I would build a house there, with gardens and grow everything there. I find my self rudely waking up from a simple, languid dream, because of a thought in my head, why did my higher self and that of my husband hate us so much. Why would our higher selves chose perhaps the worst industry in the world and make us a part of it.......

I am beginning to wonder, if the process of ascension is still happening.  Staying positive, doing the right thing, listening to your heart, it all seems to be failing right now. The crooked are still prospering. If we really can chose to create our own realities, I can tell you this much, this was definitely not the reality, my husband or me chose. We wanted to create, weave stories, enthrall people. We wanted to express through this medium different ideas , we wanted to use our creativity. We are now like the grains of wheat. The mil stone made of those who make the budget and those who do not give us our payments. Its us and our dreams, that our getting crushed between these two stones, grind-ed out to oblivion....