Thursday, 16 February 2012

Julia ,Julie and Me....

Meryl Streep is a fabulous actor, who can deny that. Having said that and gotten that out of the way, I can now write my blog.
Last night I was watching , with my husband, one of her most endearing portrayal of a lady Julia Child. Now Julia lived in mid 40s and ended up writing a cook book which is now in some 45th re-print. The movie, is the story of Julie, who is living a mediocre life, her house above a pizzeria in Queens. She gets inspired by the life of Julia and takes upon herself a challenge to cook over 500 recipes from Julia's book in 365 days. What connects with me in this film, is how much I relate with both the women. (Julie & Julia is a 2009 American comedy-drama film written and directed by Nora Ephron)

All of the billions of people on this planet earth, we all want to leave a mark. Our worst fear , some where is to live a mediocre life and die without some much a leaving a foot print in the sands of time. We may follow various paths of career, relationships, wealth, power, spirituality, military, all in the hope, that some where we made some difference in someones life. That we mattered.

I was miserable as I watched the film, so much of me up there on the screen. I flogged my self, for not being as happy go lucky and dedicated as Julia, not diligent as Julie. I may not be writing a cookery book, but since I was very little, I knew, I am a writer. I am siting on a book for two years now, wondering how to get it published. I started writing my blog and yet this month , has been dismal. I wonder how come I never keep dead lines for my self. My father's voice keeps echoing in my head " you have no discipline", " thought are just thoughts  unless backed by action", the more I listen to these voices inside me, the less I'm motivated and more despondent I get. Last night after watching the film I realised several things. One, it can take years to finish a book conceived out of love, the gestation period maybe different for different books, you just have to keep at it. Second I realised, all it takes is one right person to come across your labour of love , it may mean one interview or one friend who believe in what you are doing, and doors will open for you to take it to the world. Third and most importantly, I realised, I am truly married to a wonderful man. He may not be an ambassador or a saint, but he is patient, he is creative and he believes in what I'm doing.

Sometimes, I wish, I was doing something as tangible as a love story or a cook book, that comes easy to me, yet writing about meta-physics, its hard, only because its an on going process, you learn something new everyday. You are a student every moment till you die. As you teach, you continue to learn. The movie told me, you are not writing an encyclopedia. Its alright to trust someone out there will appreciate the love and hard work that's gone into it. I can keep adding volumes to it later , as my journey keeps unfolding, for now, I just need the courage to post the manuscript.And as a dialogue in the film goes 

Paul Child: [after telling Julia that she should be on television, & she laughs] I'm not kidding you; I'm not. Someone is going to publish your book. Someone is going to read your book, and realise what you've done. Because YOUR BOOK is amazing. YOUR BOOK is a work of genius. YOUR BOOK is going to change the world.

Thank you Julie, thank you Julia....

my 1st e-interview on soulmates....

Friday, 3 February 2012

Staying friends with ex...

I want to stay friends with my ex.....I understand this sentiment very well. I have been on both sides of the coin. I personally am an advocate of this sentiment . To be honest, if not friends, I'm still on very good terms with all of my exes. I can warn you, it is a double edged sword, you're planning to walk on, if this is the path you chose to walk on.

Most people prefer to make a clean break, I think its easier not only for the two people there but for their future partners as well.The thing with friendship with exes is, one of them always ends up using it as a foot inside the door, for an opportunity to slip back inside. Second of all, its very hard to become platonic, once you've shared intimacy, unless, lack of chemistry was the problem to begin with.Not only does the history and the bad memory of the break up hinder, any possible healthy friendship, it also confuses, the rejected person and the person you are dating now. A warning here is, a lot of people use this friendship to use the person  they rejected as a safety net for times when they are low, lonely or plain horny.

If there are true intentions of keeping friendship, which according to me, should be something to aspire for , there are a few things  to keep in mind. One thing to start with, ensure, both of you have actually gotten over each other and moved on in life. Second off all, all issues have been dealt with, no resentments or hopes are lingering and the break up has been forgiven. I do not advice anyone to use another or to be used, knowingly or unknowingly. Its actually advisable to take a complete break from each other, to let it register to your brain and heart, that part of the relationship is over. It can take 6 months to a year, before you are ready for the switching  roles. If you still feel upset, jealous or possessive, take more time away, because you clearly haven't gotten over.

Another important thing to remember, when roles change, rules change. You will no longer have the same kind of liberties or right over exclusivity, caring, attention or on belongings and definitely not on their time. They will have a different set of priorities now, like their new partner or themselves. They did break up with you for a reason, which they will seek else where. You may no longer hang out as much as before. Your friends may be confused how much to share information with each of you. Its best to chalk out clear rules. This conversation should include new privacy terms, what you both are comfortable talking about, what activities would you like to do together, what group of friends would you like to still spend time together with, make clear rules regarding your new partners, what information are you willing to share, what will you do , in case they have problem with you two staying friends.

There are a lot of relationships, that are too precious to let go. The person is so special, and you've shared so much together, just because of a few differences you can't hate them or cut them out of your lives altogether. I totally understand that. A few simple rules, communication and drawing the line helps. Some times, the ex is your ex husband, you stay in touch for the sake of your children. Again, I can't agree more, that just because the marriage didn't work, it doesn't mean that your friendship or acquaintance-ship can't. Just remember no digging up the past, the reason you broke up , for it to work, you have to let go of the negativity. Don't carry it around. That is over. Be respectful with each other, be very articulate in your communications, be firm with where you draw the lines, always be polite.

Friendship may not mean best friends forever, or that they will share everything with you, it means, you have a history together that binds you and sometimes you're the only one who will understand some aspects of them. And yet some people are just not worth the effort, the kind of people who do not appreciate you when you were with them, they won't appreciate you after either. To expect those kind of people to change and be there for you, even as a friend, is setting yourself up for further hurt. If you do chose to become friends, make sure old patterns are not repeating, patterns of using you, taking you for granted, not respecting your space and time, these are clues, this person is just being selfish.

If someone does not respond positively to your overtures of remaining friends clearly indicates, they are still holding onto the past and in a negative way. Don't try, it will just make their walls up higher against you.

Don't try to be friends, to try and squeeze in again or be there to find a weak moment to re-kindle your relationship, or be there so that they realise your importance in their life. Respect, clear communication and clear rules are the tools to build a lasting positive relationship with your ex, in the healthiest possible manner. make sure you heal yourself first, release all negativity , anger and resentments and then cheers to a beautiful new phase.

There is no reason ,the form of a relationship can't change. Like every other relationship, both have to want it, both have to work for it.I believe, relationships may change but love lingers on, its best to keep love as is, rather than change it to hate or a festering wound. It could not have been love, if it ends, if the relationship you desired didn't work out the way you wanted it to... love is love, it stays the same, find a shape, which brings both of you happiness. I do believe love is not love that changes with time, distance or change in definition. Love is eternal, love is beautiful... let love remain that a beautiful emotion, love is not a relationship. That is the biggest mis-understanding, people want love to be a relationship, its an ingredient, its an emotion...that makes any relationship possible...

Wednesday, 1 February 2012

Meanderings of a dissatisfied soul...

Dis-satisfaction, where does that creep in from. I follow the principles of gratitude every day. I have found my life change miraculously, by simple principles of gratitude. Gratitude makes every thing seem better, it becomes easier to love, to forgive, easier to feel compassion and live in grace. Yet there are moments, when this dis-satisfaction creeps in. Your logic tells you all is good. You look around and are grateful for everything you have. Perhaps this dis-satisfaction, comes from the innate nature of humans to keep moving forward. A constant desire for change for the better. For some it may be materialistic, hence a change in their lifestyle, for some it may be emotional, a relationship that is more fulfilling, more stable, more romantic, for some its physical, a desire for better health, stamina etc, however for me, it seems to come from a craving to learn to grow, I wish i could devour books. i want to go back to college. i do not crave another degree, but i constantly feel, there is more, more that i need to study, learn , understand. I am happy, yet, there is this nagging dis-satisfaction.

I was pondering since last night, does ego create every kind of dis-satisfaction. Is it really only ego's desire to feel special, important or best that drives us to seek betterment, no matter which aspect we might be considering. Could it be an intrinsic seed in us to ensure evolution takes place. If we all became complacent, would there be any growth, change and invention or discoveries for that matter. Certain type of people become obsessed with finding out a way for betterment, that obsession has yielded medicines, gadgets, houses, wheel to begin with. We may argue, if our lives have really improved or not , yet there has been growth. We applaud scientists and astronauts. We applaud researchers because they give time and figure out answers we all want yet don't go after with their kind of diligence.

What is it about mankind, that needs to seek. At one point life was all about new discoveries, new lands, new clothes, machines, life became a tad boring once all comforts became easily available. Is our mind like the proverbial monkey that needs a task to keep him constantly occupied. What causes this restlessness in our minds that we go chasing after elusive answers, and seeking change, why does the word boredom have a negative connotation?

Goals were in perspective a few decades back. Earning pot loads of money, gadgets made affordable for all of us, seems to have made us all a bit lost in the transit. We no longer know where we have to go, yet this urge, this instinct that wants us to keep growing and evolving , whips us constantly. People, out of frustrations start making superficial changes, their partners, work place, residence, continents even. They seek answers in religion or spirituality, yet find no inner peace...

Is seeking change or betterment in any area of life a bad thing? If in fact , it is a good thing, why are most people afraid of changes, why are we reluctant to accept the inevitable changes in our lives, lifestyles, relationships, even in our careers and bodies... More people are afraid of success than failure, because they do not know how it will change hem, the people around them and their lives. When a desire to change comes about, its like an invisible force, driving you like a master, telling you to move out of the status-quo, it goads you to move forward. Sometimes you're aware of the direction to move on in, sometimes you don't know even that. Thinking about, how the shift in your gear may affect and change your equations with people around you, confounds you. You get stuck. Your insides are telling you to move forward, make the necessary change yet, the fearful side of you, holds your rein, this leads to dis-satisfaction

A lot of people feel expectations or comparisons lead to dis-satisfaction, I disagree, I feel a conflict between your heart and mind is what leads to dis-satisfaction.How does one resolve this inner conflict, when one doesn't have time to even converse with the people he lives with, leave alone having an internal verbal thrashing session.I do feel a few minutes of meditation puts you in touch with your inner self, it will at least point you in the direction, you have to move forward in.

All I have come to realise so far, is one must leave fears behind, you must follow what your heart says, we must be grateful for what we have and yet not live in the fear of losing it. A hunger for betterment is not bad, and like the Wiccan Rede says: "An it harm none do what ye will" ( as long as what you do, harms no one, do as you wish)