Sunday, 8 January 2012

In search of love....

The One, True Love,Soulmate, Twin Flame....I grew up searching for him. In my search for the love of my life, I lost a friend, found my best friend, lost a husband, got another one. The experiences I've had and the lessons I've learnt have been tremendous. I've been through "my first love", to my "wild affair". I swung like a pendulum gone crazy between wanting happiness and security. I confused true love with a whirl wind romance. As this new year began, I knew a significant and new chapter of my life has begun. I had to re-capsulate , what it was I learnt in the last phase. I came up with the deduction, all I've done so far is learn about love. I learnt what all love entailed. Giving love, receiving love, unconditional love, temporary relations yet lasting love, I learnt to recognise my soulmates. I feel the only thing I've done, all my life, thus far, is love.

According to a lot of attained people and Gurus, that's all a person is required to know and to learn, there is couplet in hindi written by Kabir that goes roughly like, you do not become a scholar /learned man by reading scriptures, it is the short word love and one that knows it, who is the scholar. I don't know yet, if I'm a scholar, even in love, but yes, choosing to walk this path, has been a big learning for me. One of the biggest lessons I learnt in this beautiful and enriching journey was, loving oneself. It sounds easier than it is. Every one thinks, they love themselves, yet , one of the most difficult thing to do is unconditionally accept and love your own self, exactly the way you are. Accept your body, your personality, your choices, your very being and to love your self unapologetically.

Think about it, everything, you say or do, in a relationship or simply around people, is aimed at pleasing another. The most difficult word for most of us is the smallest one " No". We feel guilty , if we wish to please our self. Be it during sex, before or after, the whole agenda is to get good ratings from our partner. In case a male fails to perform, he apologises profusely, rather than, focus on the fact that something is stressing him out. It is he who needs the attention at that point. Women, dress to please. They learn to hate their bodies or portions of it, because of some person in her life, who made her feel badly about it. When you're under the weather, or going out to dinner, our choice is the last. In such a scenario, most individuals forget, they are important, they deserve to love themselves. I learnt, the simple word No, is extremely empowering, especially when you're trying to re-discover your self love. Here , I need to clarify, self love is not the same thing as ego.

Self love is more about self acceptance and self forgiveness. Ego will need another blog. Self love requires you, to nurture yourself, your emotional, mental, physical and spiritual well being, the same way you cater to the needs of others around you. You protect the feelings of others. You say yes, when you don't want to, you provide for others, do it for your self too.

I am not propagating selfishness, what I am saying is, you are important too. What you do for others, do for yourself too. You give space to others when they need it, give space to yourself too. You give gifts to others, buy gifts for your self too. If you're tired, sleep a few hours extra, un-apologetically.Make time for yourself, to pursue hobbies, or just to do up your nails. You dress to please your spouse, dress to please yourself too. I love my long hair. All my hair stylists, try to coax me into chopping up my hair and go for the latest trends. I firmly say no. I like my old fashioned, simple long hair.

Show respect to others, yet remember to respect yourself too. Yes , much happiness comes from giving, I know that, I've always been more of a giver than receiver, till recently, when I opened myself to receiving too. I began understanding the difference between being a door mat and being a giving person. Its alright to ask for what you want. Life is all about balance, so is the case with giving and receiving. You can only give, when you open your self to receiving too. Loving others and living for others makes life seem worthwhile, yet if you forget yourself down the road, there will never be any true happiness. There will be nothing that you will do for others that you will not resent. To love others freely and unconditionally, start with loving yourself, unconditionally too. After all, all good things like charity, begins from home.


  1. In this journey from being a doormat to a giver one should be prepared to lose many people who seem to be very close. As this change is not recieved well by many.It demands from them to get out of their comfort zones. This blog especially applies to women.

  2. Reading your blog made me realise that saying 'NO' is empowerment..I finally figured this at my ripe old age of 43.. I started withholding sex from my philandeering husband who promises to change but never does. And this has hit him big time... finally he realises that being a dutiful wife and mother doesnt mean i have to be dutiful in bed too. Yes, it is taking a toll on a relation, but then its high time..