I have searched high and low, in religious scriptures, mythology, fables, spiritual texts every where, I have not found a single place, not a single mention a single line where Cheating has found any resemblance of condoning. As children we were taught, do not take anything that belongs to another, you ask first , you need to pay for what you take...Perhaps adults need certain ethics lessons as well. No one seems to pay attention - Stealing is bad. When it comes down to emotional matters, how is stealing less of a violation if it does not involve a material good? Maybe we should rename adultery or cheating and replace it with stealing. Perhaps the renaming will help awaken conscience in a majority of people. has conscience seriously fallen asleep in the absence of ethics education?
I have seen a lot of people hurt, because their trust was trampled on by two callous people. A lot of people have the lamest excuse of, they were not married, he/she could have said no, its the problem of the spouse, it was just sex, youngsters are far worse. It seems , they somehow become cooler if they manage to carry on behind the back of someone and get away with cheating. A lot of them do it for "kicks"!!!
I say there are three guilty parties here. One , the spouse that cheats. married or not, even if you're dating someone seriously, you ARE in a committed relationship. Get over it, you're not single any more. If you find another person more appealing, attractive whatever, have the courage to first break up, the previous relationship, showing a bit of sensitivity while you're at it, at least have that much decency . You are not an animal with no will power that you just have to do it right now. I know passion. I love sex, but here you ARE responsible for the trust and emotions of another person who loves you.
Two, the party of the cheating. If you were not aware the other person was infact in some sort of serious/ committed relationship, consider your self cheated too. Here, I'm talking about the blase people , who have the audacity to say its none of my business what their equation is all about or what the consequences will be. It is your business. You are the catalyst, to destroy someones peace of mind, someone's relationship and someone's home. All I can say is, when later in life, it happen to you don't ask why is this happening to me? Just remember, all that you do, DOES come back, it maybe exactly what you did, or in another matter but , you will feel betrayed for another, you will go through the pain , you have been a party to subjecting another person to. Just make sure before you hit on someone , is that person involved with someone else. If they're interested in you, don't buy into their lies of we're separated, I will leave that person for you, just wait and let them do it first.
Third, if you're the injured party, do take a moment and think long and hard, why did you attract this situation in your life? Are you insecure, leading you to become over possessive? All thoughts especially fears have a habit of manifesting and coming into our lives. Have you broken someones trust in the past? Have you given the message to the universe that you do not love yourself, by .... putting up with abuse of any form and remaining silent, do you feel undeserving of love and happiness, you will find a pattern of similar stories in your life. Its time you put an end to it. You become part of the cheating story, if you've put up with cheating before, looked the other way, maybe to save your relationship or your false sense of security. Did you forgive too easily? Then you've been cheating yourself too.
Only two people , who equally desire the relationship to work, can make it work. If only one person is doing all the push and shove sooner or later, the relationship will fail and you will feel I've done so much for this person. It true, forgiveness is important. Forgiveness does not mean condoning an act . Forgiveness is for your sake, not so much the other person. When a person says sorry, its supposed to mean, it won't happen again and not to be used as a full stop to end an argument or fight.
The reason I'm writing about this is because as a therapist, as a friend, every day I hear stories of betrayal. I watch shows, I read stories of people in so much pain. We would hate anything like this to happen to us, our daughters our sisters, sons or brothers. It is each person's responsibility to say NO to temptation of cheating or making another tempted to cheat. Relationships do end, they do have natural death. Sure there is incompatibility issues, monetary issues, yet cheating should not be reason for the death of a relationship.
Cheating not only damages a relationship, its kills a part of a person. It kills their self worth, their self esteem, their faith in love, it kills their ability to trust another person again, it kills their trust in their own judgement. People are getting more and more sceptical about the institution of marriage. I see no difference in a steady relationship, live in or marriage. It comes down to two people in love, who want to be together. No one should violate their attempt to create a life together.
Here , I've deliberately not been gender specific. I've seen both men and women get hurt. I don' in someone Else's shoe, is most true in this scenario. Do not be the cause of the gut wrenching pain of another. Be gentle and kind not only to others but to your self too. Your actions set into motion a much larger story, the sensitivity you show to others, come to you too. Morals are not just for children, they are very much for adults. In being kind to others, we become kind to our self. Pain is a part of life, yet we can reduce the pain by avoiding deliberately causing it to another soul. We can bring back faith, trust, loyalty and love into our lives, by just thinking before we act.
I am starting a page on facebook, " Say No to cheating" I welcome stories of you who have been in either of the three roles... did you over come the ordeal?
I have seen a lot of people hurt, because their trust was trampled on by two callous people. A lot of people have the lamest excuse of, they were not married, he/she could have said no, its the problem of the spouse, it was just sex, youngsters are far worse. It seems , they somehow become cooler if they manage to carry on behind the back of someone and get away with cheating. A lot of them do it for "kicks"!!!
I say there are three guilty parties here. One , the spouse that cheats. married or not, even if you're dating someone seriously, you ARE in a committed relationship. Get over it, you're not single any more. If you find another person more appealing, attractive whatever, have the courage to first break up, the previous relationship, showing a bit of sensitivity while you're at it, at least have that much decency . You are not an animal with no will power that you just have to do it right now. I know passion. I love sex, but here you ARE responsible for the trust and emotions of another person who loves you.
Two, the party of the cheating. If you were not aware the other person was infact in some sort of serious/ committed relationship, consider your self cheated too. Here, I'm talking about the blase people , who have the audacity to say its none of my business what their equation is all about or what the consequences will be. It is your business. You are the catalyst, to destroy someones peace of mind, someone's relationship and someone's home. All I can say is, when later in life, it happen to you don't ask why is this happening to me? Just remember, all that you do, DOES come back, it maybe exactly what you did, or in another matter but , you will feel betrayed for another, you will go through the pain , you have been a party to subjecting another person to. Just make sure before you hit on someone , is that person involved with someone else. If they're interested in you, don't buy into their lies of we're separated, I will leave that person for you, just wait and let them do it first.
Third, if you're the injured party, do take a moment and think long and hard, why did you attract this situation in your life? Are you insecure, leading you to become over possessive? All thoughts especially fears have a habit of manifesting and coming into our lives. Have you broken someones trust in the past? Have you given the message to the universe that you do not love yourself, by .... putting up with abuse of any form and remaining silent, do you feel undeserving of love and happiness, you will find a pattern of similar stories in your life. Its time you put an end to it. You become part of the cheating story, if you've put up with cheating before, looked the other way, maybe to save your relationship or your false sense of security. Did you forgive too easily? Then you've been cheating yourself too.
Only two people , who equally desire the relationship to work, can make it work. If only one person is doing all the push and shove sooner or later, the relationship will fail and you will feel I've done so much for this person. It true, forgiveness is important. Forgiveness does not mean condoning an act . Forgiveness is for your sake, not so much the other person. When a person says sorry, its supposed to mean, it won't happen again and not to be used as a full stop to end an argument or fight.
The reason I'm writing about this is because as a therapist, as a friend, every day I hear stories of betrayal. I watch shows, I read stories of people in so much pain. We would hate anything like this to happen to us, our daughters our sisters, sons or brothers. It is each person's responsibility to say NO to temptation of cheating or making another tempted to cheat. Relationships do end, they do have natural death. Sure there is incompatibility issues, monetary issues, yet cheating should not be reason for the death of a relationship.
Cheating not only damages a relationship, its kills a part of a person. It kills their self worth, their self esteem, their faith in love, it kills their ability to trust another person again, it kills their trust in their own judgement. People are getting more and more sceptical about the institution of marriage. I see no difference in a steady relationship, live in or marriage. It comes down to two people in love, who want to be together. No one should violate their attempt to create a life together.
Here , I've deliberately not been gender specific. I've seen both men and women get hurt. I don' in someone Else's shoe, is most true in this scenario. Do not be the cause of the gut wrenching pain of another. Be gentle and kind not only to others but to your self too. Your actions set into motion a much larger story, the sensitivity you show to others, come to you too. Morals are not just for children, they are very much for adults. In being kind to others, we become kind to our self. Pain is a part of life, yet we can reduce the pain by avoiding deliberately causing it to another soul. We can bring back faith, trust, loyalty and love into our lives, by just thinking before we act.
I am starting a page on facebook, " Say No to cheating" I welcome stories of you who have been in either of the three roles... did you over come the ordeal?
... Oh so true ... No one has the right to hurt even themselves let alone others ... Every thing animate or otherwise belongs to the creator .... so when the anyone embarks on the path of falsehood for some very selfish motives , disregarding the well being of the people around him/her ... is just not doing the right thing ... the articulate understanding of the distraught mind is very commendable ... :)
ReplyDelete