Wednesday, 11 April 2012

The dark cloud and the silver lining.....

Did I beat the CFS I was suffering from since January this year? Well for most parts. This year has been particularly hard. It started with my husband not having a job and not receiving payment from his last job. I went through CFS, which left me utterly exhausted and confused. Yet like they say, every cloud has a silver lining. This phase of my life too showed me several silver linings. For one, when you have no money, its so easy to figure out who loves you for who you are, and not for your power, fame , money or any other reason.

 Strangely enough, in the worst of my times, I have found my friends surrounding me. They sort of form a protective circle around. One friend, I know only from a social networking site, calls me up from out of the blue, says motivating words to me, offers help. Another one paid my phone bill. A third friend, made sure he came to visit me , more than usual, to talk to me, make me laugh, to encourage me to step out for short spans of time. Weirdly enough ,when I was out of groceries and with no money, I found myself being asked out for dinner, more than I was in the entire year. I have felt so loved as I can ever hope to be.

I found myself planning to take up a job, once my son's vacations are over. I found myself getting excited again about pursuing my hobbies like swimming.After years I wanted to learn to play the guitar and take up pottery. I did a few paintings along side my son. I ended up seeing the tender side of my husband and the mature side of my son. Yesterday, things got so bad, I had to sell of certain personal items to pay the monthly bills and yet, I was not anxious, bitter or depressed. I found a deep calmness running deep within myself. I realized the past three months, though they were difficult on my body, they made me strong from the inside.Now forgiveness, is not just a technique, it flows naturally. Faith does not waiver and prayers happen automatically. My intuition became clearer than ever. I found negative energies directed toward me, no longer affect me or my moods. A peace has descended.

My ramblings are not without purpose. What I learnt through this entire process, this phase of physical weakness and monetary bleakness was, these things do not affect you, unless you allow them to. I learnt, there is definitely a reason why something happens. The surface maybe, what is tangible to us, yet most important work happens within us. If only we let go and let the process happen naturally, take its own course, in its due time, we will not get exhausted mentally. The process will strengthen us from where it matters the most. A car needs to stop running and sit in a garage for it to get serviced. From time to time, we all go through phases that compel us to pause , force us to sit down. Things do not go the way we desire. We do not have jobs, or relationships that work. We may suffer from humiliation, abuse or illness. It is hard to accept when someone says, check your premise, you have attracted this situation in your life. We may not have attracted the situation in our life, we may not like the circumstances, yet, it always gives us something in return. It may leave you with an awareness of your inner strength, compassion, empathy, spirituality or new ideas. The trick is to not let the circumstances exhaust your mind. For that, you just have to let things happen. Do not spend too much energy thinking about it or try to fight it off. Efforts in the correct direction, reap the rewards a a later stage much like a filed needs to be ploughed, fertilised before the seeds are sown. you do not reap the plants immediately, you continue to water and tend, only when the crops are ripe do you harvest. Every thing in life has a process and every process has its own cycle and time for completion.

One thing that helped me, and I'd like to share, was closing my eyes and taking in white light from my crown chakra and my third eyes and giving the intention of it reaching every pore and cell in my body. Hope this helps you too....

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