The Divine Sabatical

I remember begging God, don't do this to me, don't make me leave my country.Don't uproot me.....      This was the year 2001. I was getting married and had to shift to Germany. I was so scared. I did not like the major changes happening. New country, a language I couldn't read, write or speak so it essentially meant I was illiterate, deaf and dumb.

I landed in Germany in December 2001, it was cold and snowing, and although it was beautiful and picturesque the rude shock on reaching there was the realisation my new husband had forgotten his house keys back in Mumbai. I was dressed inadequately for the severe winters and the gloom became even more. This was no buzzing city, weil am Rhein is a quaint place best described as an outskirt of a village. It was on the borders of Basel ( Switzerland), France and the Black Forest in Germany. No Germans lived in this village, only immigrants from Russia, Turkey, Pakistan, Afghanistan, there was a refugee camp five minutes from my house there. The silence was unimaginable to any one from noisy India. At four o clock in the afternoon, it would start getting dark. My husband had to join work immediately though his leave was not over because he had forgotten to keep money aside for our first month there.

It was beautiful a place, yes a beautiful prison where I was concerned where I was serving solitary confinement. 

Now I am a very social person. I love being in the company of people and I make friends very easily. it was a handicap though that none of the residents there were keen to make friends and we did not have a common language to communicate in. Since I was a dependant on the visa, working was out of question. What made all of this worse was my husband was in marketing so he was was away for weeks at a stretch.

Here is why I'm writing about this experience today. Forced Rest... why does universe bring your life to a sudden grinding halt . Everything that you knew, what you were used to is taken away, all familiarity is gone. This can happen in various ways. For my current husband's brother, it happened due to an accident, that forced him to be still , completely still on a bed for one whole year. Can you imagine being confined to a bed, unable to even rotate your head, leave alone do even the basics for your self. The confidence he must have had , being a body builder and boxer must have been unimaginable horror to him.  For me the prison was in the head. For him he was literally confined to the bed.

I tried my best to fit in, make my life there, invited his colleagues over to our home, planned picnic. For three years I tried to make my life " normal" or as I knew it. I fought with God. I kept asking why. This why tormented me. I wanted to know what he wanted me to learn from this experience. I got my answers several years later.

I realise now , that time God was ploughing the lands of my mind, my soul, he was planting the seeds of my spiritual awareness. This process was not visible to me, in fact it was painful even. Yet since the first year there was no television, and even after we got a set, the only English channel available was CNN, I got back into my habit of reading. I learnt tarot, I read about the concentration camp. I realised the burden of guilt the generations are carrying till now. I spent hours reading, every night as I couldn't sleep I was on the Internet. I was studying criminal minds, I was studying human anatomy, I was studying various religions, I read a lot of fiction. When I got pregnant I read book ordered from Amazon on baby food, raising children, games to play with children.All the while I was experimenting with cooking and with new recipes. When this wasn't enough to keep my restless mind occupied, I started going within. Within my self. A lot of understanding was beginning to be channeled to me, I wrote a lot in my diary.I was gradually making peace. I actually fell in love with the friends I made there, I feel in love with the serenity of that place. I discovered new cuisines, I travelled a lot all over Europe. All this was just the plantation phase......

I have realised Forced rest as per the divine plan is not a punishment. The more you fight it , the more you delay your own learning. This forced rest is God's or the universe's way of making you stop, take a breather form this hectic life, where you 're busy chasing shadows in the name of career, fame, money, love, once you pause, you get to see a larger picture. it does not mean over night understanding or enlightenment occurs , no, but it sets you on a path to self discovery, self discovery is one of the ways you reach God too. God is in you, you are in him/her, you are a part of the original creator and you are a part of the divine. This self discovery is a very essential part of growing. A seed cannot be seen till the shoots come out, that does not mean, there is no growth. The bamboo plant grows under the ground for several years before the plant is visible.

All I've realized and want to share is, if you find yourself in a position, where you feel stagnant either physically, mentally or emotionally, stop fighting it. Take a deep breath, allow it to happen. treat it like a vacation, let the seeds be sown.....