Sunday 27 November 2011

The unforgettable Dark One....

The year I was born, my birthday fell on Krishna Janamshtami ( Lord Krishna's Birthday). I grew up with a strange affinity toward him. I loved reading stories of his childhood. I understand Krishna in 3 distinct roles. The politician side of him and the Karma Teacher side of him , need two other blogs. The first side of him ,I got acquainted with, was Kanha, the young Krishna from the toddler to the young boy. i would listen to Radio dramas based on his life. A lot of poets found great inspiration not only from his antics, but also from his charms, his good looks. I remember one poet describing toddler Krishna sitting on a polished floor. he describes the visual as seeing a lotus flower ( due to the reflection on the floor), his fish shaped earring kissing his cheeks and as he gurgles in delight his little pearls light up his face. All imageries from their poems made him sound completely adorable as a child, naughty yet lovable. As a young boy, teasing the belles of the village, his love with young Radha, his playing flute, all completely painted a romantic picture of him, which very few women can resist. i could understand how Meera became his devotee having first fallen in love with him. by the time I was in grade 5 I was completely in love with flute playing, cow herding, Radha's Krishna.

In my previous blog I wrote how Radha should let go and move on, yet I so understand how hard it must be for her, she who told Krishna I want to savor the pain of our parting, the sweetness of this piercing pain...He in return gave her his flute, saying never again would he play the flute again. His music was for her. It also indicates an end of an era in his life. He was moving onto serious things in life. He had a huge role to play in life. he carried with him the sweetness of young love, the music that comes from innocent love and carefree days. He knew those carefree days were gone. He was entering a vicious world, the "real world" of politics, ambitions, his Karma bhoomi....

Yet lingering on his romantic aspect, he is as good as they come.He knew how to arouse women's senses. He could entice them with his smile, pay compliments and make them blush, make Radha hopping mad by making her jealous and then turn the tables and the whole situation that she was helpless in the sunshine of his love.He later went onto train in 64 various arts including the art of love making. No woman what ever her age could resist his charms. When I was watching " The Legends of the Falls", I was wondering about Brad Pitts character. Was it a version of Krishna in a situation out of India. The wild, untamed boy. He who would go to a war to protect his kid brother, a war he did not believe in. A man who could drive a woman mad by her love and desire for him. A man who was not always correct but somehow right... most times.

I see Krishna, and I see the quintessential boy in school , who is plain bad news, yet so irresistible. Every time you make up your mind, you'll not support him in his truancy, yet you become gullible as soon as he looks deep into your eyes. His eyes, deep, intense, passionate, alluring, and yet innocent. You know you're flirting with danger, putting your heart on the line, you know for sure you'll get hurt somewhere down the line, yet the tug at your heart is so strong, your knees go weak at his smile, the way her says sorry na, come on, who else will help me if not you. You feel a chemistry , you did not know could exist except in paperback novels you read when no one is looking. Both don't do any thing about the chemistry, you pretend it doesn't affect you, that you're not getting hot under your collar, that your mouth is not going dry....He takes your loyalty for granted, he teases you into submission, he makes you laugh just when you'll about to boil over in indignation. he is the boy you never get over... He , yes Krishna, that's what he does to you.he makes you fall head over heels in love and turns your world upside down. You see his flaws and failing, you cover up for them, helplessly in love with a boy who takes you soaring with the winds, dropping you back to the ground breathless and brilliantly alive.....

As I grew older, I read more and more on Lord Shiva, I started falling in love with the man Lord Shiva represented. (Read The Eternal  Vagabond). He was such a contrast to my Krishna, yet certain strain felt so familiar, so similar. He evoked similar passions, loyalties. He was far more giving, and he stuck around. A couple of months back reading Shiv Purana, I blushed reading about his love, his sexual relationship with his wife, I was so amused and tickled when he was shy on their first night together, his wife made the first move. He made his wife feel so loved, so attractive, their passions were so great, I was mesmerized...I was wondering, I love Krishna and Shiva, equally passionately, how can that be. How can I love two distinct personalities with equal fervor. (My path of devotion is also through love....)Then it struck me Krishna is the boy, Shiva the man, the girl in me loves Krishna, the uncertainty, the first love, the first stirring of chemistry, and Shiva is the culmination... Just as I came to this understanding I reached the portion in Shiv Purana that said, Vishnu ( the higher self of Krishna ) and I ( Shiva) are one. It all fell in place....

Every soul has been born over and over again. We all have different aspects to our personalities. each aspect needs catering to. We all have several soul mates from our various lives. We love them all equally. We love all of them passionately. I understood its ok to be in love with more than one person at a time, you love both equally honestly, intensely, truly, its just different aspect of you that falls in love with different individual. Maybe at the same time, maybe at different stages of your life. Neither is false.

Coming back to Krishna, the first love, you love him, worship him, you support him, you savor the pain he leaves in you heart as he leaves your side, if you're lucky his memories make you smile, if you're unable to let go, you  pine, one thing you can't do is forget him, ever....
Krishna...my first love...


1 comment:

  1. LOVE is and will always be the most simple answer to the most complex of feelings and situations ... unconditional LOVE allows to let go ... this beautifully written heart warming passage does tell one that if LOVE is truly deep it will never ever fade ... unfading unfaltering unaffected by any one or any thing love stays and grows :)

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