Tuesday, 29 November 2011

He saved me....in every way......

Do you remember Jack from the movie Titanic? There is a line Rose uses at the end of the film to sum up all he meant to her..."there was a man named Jack Dawson and that he saved me... in every way that a person can be saved. I don't even have a picture of him. He exists now... only in my memory."

I had a Jack Dawson in my life. Just as young, impulsive, full of life and verve. I met him at the worst lows of my life. My first marriage was on the rocks, our marriage counselling was not working. My mood would swing dangerously between depression and rage. I felt trapped, suffocated. My husband and I, both were trying to reach out, make it work yet there like this sound proof, impenetrable, unbreakable, invisible wall between us. I had my baby not even two at that time.  I had begun losing all hope.

There came a day I found my self on the edge of my balcony on the ninth floor, wondering if I should jump and end it all. Now being a spiritual person, there is a strong belief in me that no matter what comes, life is not ours to take. It belongs only to the almighty, he who has given and claim it back. My religious beliefs too told me, its a sin, I knew my one and a half year old was alone sleeping. I needed to talk to someone. I needed a rope to pull me out. I climbed back, still leaning over, dialled " jack", he was in another town then, sobbing helplessly, I told him something. I think I must have told him I couldn't go on anymore, I needed him to talk sense into me. I needed him to give me strength just for that night. He talked to me all night, all night I sobbed, I don't remember a word of what either he or I said. He talked to me on his way to the airport at the crack of dawn. A few hours later he was at my door step.

Before this night happened for a few months we were in the same town. He would take me out for coffees, give me fast rides on his bike, leave me laughing telling me stories from his childhood. My story came pouring out. He shook my mind, the dust of self pity that had accumulated over the past 3 years , he dusted off. I wanted to do something. I felt bogged down , having a young child to take care of, I still deeply cared and loved my husband but I needed to take some charge back, he told me I could do whatever I wanted to. Like "Raju Guide" from the film Guide, he shook me up. I started painting again, all my canvasses spewed violent orange . I tried getting into modelling, I thought that would help me get back myself esteem, I would meet people from the industry I had to leave after my marriage. It worked, he took me the auditions on his bike. I had no clue how to apply professional make up, or what my good angles were. Yet I had started getting hope.

After the night when I contemplated death very seriously, I found a job and moved out permanently. it was a most traumatic time for me. On one side was my family. My husband, child, in-laws that I loved greatly, and on the other hand was my sanity. I didn't know who to turn to for help. My " Jack " was there.

I don't think there is prose enough to explain my relationship with him, or the things he did for me. Like the master card tag line says somethings are priceless.

I can't recapture our memories in ample words. Yet all I know is some day I will. I know its worth being written about. I know I'm lucky to have found him when I did. The lines from the film...." he saved me... in every way that a person can be saved".......befitting in every way.
Thank-you Jack, for pulling me out. Thank-you for being there, thank you for the person you are....

1 comment:

  1. just as BATMAN AND SUPERMAN are the escape route for the masses so does every individual have one very personal superman ... this personal messiah becomes the only pillar for those stormy times ... this very insightful and emotional piece of work has shown me how clawed up the walls of the abyss ... KUDOS to your strength :)