Wednesday, 21 December 2011

Emotional Vampires....

I am a bit baffled today. I've been fighting an internal war for the past few days. My dilemma on paper is very simple. I've been hurt by words, actions perhaps in my view point callousness of certain individuals very close to me.I'm not one to point fingers and play blame game. Usually I have a clear stand on such matters. Discuss the situation with the person, explain to them what and why I'm feeling hurt, see if they can accommodate my feeling and figure out a situation. I learnt it the very hard way, how to tackle energy vampires as I call them.

Energy Vampires according to me are people, who act or say things that deflate your energies. They may use the victims badge or use sarcasm or put you through the guilt trip, or plain criticise you. Energy vampires thrive on making you feel small, they pick on your self worth, every time something  good happens to you, they will remind you of the some incident that makes you feel like a loser. They use words to describe you or your choices in derogatory terms. They want you to cater to them, heir ego, you put up with their attitude, yet you get nothing in return.

Sadly enough, its people who are closest to you, perhaps your own family that turn into the worst Energy Vampires. Certain kinds of friends or lovers fit this category too. As I was saying, it took me years and years to learn how to recognise them. They shield themselves as well wishers garb , it fooled me for the longest time. They fool you with lines such as who else would I go to but you, once their requirement is met, they vanish leaving you feeling used and you feel foolish for falling for it every time. Over the years I learnt to recognise the uneasy feeling that grows in my stomach when an Energy Vampire is about to strike. I know I will be coerced into doing something I don''t want to do . I may do it to maintain peace, or because I feel obligated to be a good "whatever relation", I may be emotionally bulldozed. End of the day , I would end up saying yes , doing something I didn't want to do, spend time, money , emotions and come back end of the day drained physically, emotionally sometimes financially.

There is another type of Energy drainers, these people, have no regards for your feelings. No matter what you're going through in life, they are there to gnaw you. They fight with you over trivial things. As I was saying I started recognising when I was about to be sucked dry of my positive energies . I didn't know how to handle the situation or them. I would go into panic, I would try to evade them, my fear perhaps made them feel stronger. They pecked me more and more. I would cry. I felt so misunderstood. I never realised, they  were not interested in understanding me. They labelled me hyper sensitive and I believed them. I became more and more closed. I was so afraid of their comments, their labels. I thought if I was stoic enough, they would applaud me finally. I continued to maintain peace. I continued to be pushed further into the corner. I felt choked , I felt strangulated. They use rationale and logic to beat my emotions out of context. I never wanted to retaliate. Yet, this emotional bullying or perhaps plain insensitivity on their part was slowly making me hollow from inside. Just like a mite hollow out a wooden cupboard.

I tried, to them tell them to stay away. I no longer put up with some of them. I simply said, if you can't understand me, support me emotionally during these difficult days, at least don't add to my woes. Just stay out of my life. This technique worked for some time and with people who did not have any direct bearing to my immediate life. My dilemma today is, I still hate confrontations. I hate any form of fights.. I am uncomfortable with pointing fingers. I don't want to hurt anyone by the things I want to say or by telling them how they're hurting me. My dilemma is simple. I don't want to hurt them, but I don't want to hurt any more. I don't like being taken for granted. I don't like being treated like a second class citizen. I don't like my emotions being trampled on. I want to be able to say NO. I want to say ENOUGH. I've tried walking away from the situation before, it keeps coming back. I have kept my peace. I have held my tongue, yet , things keep getting worse. Today , I have to take a stand, this might just set me free from feeling cornered forever. Yet I'm not sure how to do it. I'm not afraid. It might sound like that. I'm not. I just feel , some people are just how they are. I can accept them,as they are. Accepting them, loving them doesn't mean I have to say yes, when I feel I have been wronged. I know , matters such as this are very subjective. There is no single correct party. I may be over sensitive, I may be overly emotional. I may easily hurt, but that does not make me selfish, its called self preservation.

1 comment:

  1. ... very eloquently put .. for a not so expressive person like me this article makes its impact in the right place ... and exhorts me to think how not to suffer such parasites ... damn what the person next to me thinks ... this article gives me that impetus to come out of that self - made cocoon of silence ... and protect my being :)