Saturday 10 December 2011

Unshed tears...of men

"Take it like a man", "Stop whining like a girl", "Men don't cry", the scales of gender-ism has tipped the other way. Today, in a lot of countries, women have a lot going for them. We have laws protecting us. There are support groups. We are still fighting our battles, for equality, for our rights, in certain countries ,to drive cars or wear trousers. The whole group of women , support these fights. A lot of men support our causes too. It was the keen interest certain men took, in the women causes, that have abolished a lot of systems like "Sati", in India. We now, at least on paper ,have laws to protect us from dowry harassment.... What about our men?

Boys and men, across the globe, are victims of abuse too. They suffer physical abuse, psychological abuse, sexual abuse. I have come across, real , live cases of men who have suffered these abuses, not as isolated incidents, but for years together. I know of boys raped repeatedly by other boys, molested by women, faced physical abuse at the hands of their parents and sometimes at the hands of their spouse. I know of men who have " felt raped ", by their spouse.  A woman, if she gets raped, has a support system, goes to the police, she has a legal system to support her, the media supports her, activists fights for her. She has counsellors and psychiatrists trained to help her over come the ordeal. The journey is long, traumatic, humiliating and horrifying to say the least. Yet, thanks to the changing times, a ray of light is there, Now imagine a boy, he is not raped by one person, once or twice, not for a month, he is raped repeatedly, by several people for years.....

He cannot go to his father, he will be disgusted, he will tell him to fight back like a man. His mother ,may sympathise, but not understand, he would be mocked to death if he went to the police, his shame would be far greater, if the media go a whiff of his ordeal. In the court of law, how is he supposed to convince the people there of his ordeal. In cases where young boys have been victims of older women, how is he  supposed to prove , he didn't want it. His own body betrayed him. He didn't know what he was been asked to do.Who is protecting our boys.....?

These boys, bury this horror, in a vault , bury it so deep, that no one can reach that space. He knows, he has to act like a man, act as though everything is normal. He must not appear weak, or shed tears. If crime thrillers of America , is anything to go by, every serial killer, psychopath or sociopath, all are victims of abuse in their childhood. If there is, even one grain of truth in this, why is our society , turning a blind eye to large issue. Why does no one acknowledge the elephant in the room. A girl, who is raped, is repeatedly told, "it
was not your fault", a boy who even comes back beaten up, is first told, " you must have got into the fight.A man , does not support, sympathies or even lend a ear to another man who has been abused. He looks down upon, his own brother, who is weaker by certain parameters. A man has more sympathy for a women fallen on bad days, but none of his own kind. Who is a boy supposed to turn to? He is mocked as being a "pansy", a "wimp", for not being "man enough".

I am against gender discrimination. I also believe every person you meet, is fighting some battle, I know each person must fight his/her own battles. I do not understand, why men must suffer silently. I do not understand why the very men, who have been our fathers, brothers, uncles, best friends, lovers , husbands and son, do not have our support. Why do we think, they can fend for themselves, alone. Why do we deny them the right to cry or to say I'm tired. 

I do believe, I'm very lucky, to be born at a time, when , its a woman's world. It is my choice, if I want to work or not, Its my choice, if my want to take on my husband's surname, Its my choice, if I want to cook everyday or not. I can drink if I choose to, I can ask a man to help me with my luggage if need be. I can be the boss at my workplace, I can tell my lover, how to please me. I feel, its unfair though, a man today has to be sensitive enough to understand the mood swings of the women in his life. He has to be considerate enough to help in the household chores. He has to be  strong enough to lift luggage. He has no choice however , if he wants to have a career or not. He is not offered the option of becoming a "house-husband". He is not given the benefit of doubt. He has no right to complain, or get tired, or cry. He is never a victim of any abuse........

Man, I have loved you, since you were Adam and I was Eve. We have journeyed together for centuries. There was a time, when you protected me, provided for me, gave me a name, a roof over my head, you protected my honorI shed my shackles, I've set my self free, you are still chained by your warrior garb, your strength....break free....



1 comment:

  1. ... very considerate and heartfelt area of emotions ... this matter can disintegrate the "strong ego bastion" of the male like a pck of cards ... Atleast it can be talked about in this country ...

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