1991, the first time I went to Jaipur, I had gone to attend my cousin's wedding. A few day's before that my maternal uncle, also residing in Jaipur had passed away....
2011, 20 years later, last week i went to Jaipur to attend a wedding, the groom's father had passed away a couple of months before.
In both cases what amazed me was the strength and resilience of the two matriarchs. In my family most women of the senior generations are home makers. The men take care of fiances, the work out side the home. The two women my Mami ( maternal Aunt) and my Masi( mother's sister) are simple small town women. Their first priority being their husband and children. They are oblivious to a lot of things in the outside world. In fact I was left stammering a few years back when one of my Aunt's had asked me what does " gay" mean :) They have led pretty cocooned lives. They have their principals and values they live by. Both these women have extreme amounts of inner strengths. They have kept up with the changing times. They never clipped the wings of their children. Coming from a strict pure vegetarian to the extent of never consuming garlic or onions, today their children eat non-vegetarian food. Sure , they have to eat it on the stairs of the family, but like my Masi said, I don't want them to lie and do things behind my back. I couldn't help but giggle at the imagery of my cousins stuffing their mouths with tandoori chicken, happy, yet the joy doubled because the pleasure is mixed, it is forbidden food, yet under the watchful eyes of their mother's. ....
My Mami , when she lost her husband had three marriageable aged daughters , her youngest, a son, was still a student of junior college. What amazed me was how these tow ladies faced the tragedy of their lives with such grit and grace. I have never heard them whine, try to get sympathy, they never wept copiously like a lot of other women I've seen weeping over far lesser pains in life. Both these women, showed respect to their husbands, they never stopped smiling. They executed the plans made by their husband's in a way as to best honor their memories. I found these two ladies least judgemental. My Masi blinked back her tears as she said, I will just smile and finish all the ceremonies of the wedding.That's dignity....
I was so proud to be the niece of both these Aunts of mine. Life is yin and yang. Where there is happiness, there is sorrow. The greatest of teachers of all religions and cults try to teach us to be detached, to become indifferent to pleasures and pains of life. I've have experienced it first hand and I have seen these two women of simple faith. They are no religious fanatics, they don't shout their beliefs from rooftops, they don't force their views on any one. They have not only understood, they are living proof of what even saints took years to achieve. They did not become immune to either pleasure or pain, they just learnt to take both as they come, with a lot of grace. They continued to live. They made peace with themselves. They went out of their way to ensure the happiness of their children does not get eclipsed because of their personal loss. They know , even if they haven't articulated it, children are the future, it ( their future)must not be burdened with the baggage's of the past. Both dressed up nicely, smiled through ceremonies, genuine smiles. Gave blessings from their hearts. Another thing I noticed, both have the least ailments in my family. They don't resist changes, they love freely, forgive easily, they plan, they execute , hence there is no disharmony in their body. I've learnt a lot in these two episodes from two of my dearest Aunts, life is a full circle. Life is black and white and all shades in between. I understood only happiness can never be achieved. It is complimented and enhanced through sorrow. I understood grace in real life. Maybe I should rename this post...Grace under fire....
2011, 20 years later, last week i went to Jaipur to attend a wedding, the groom's father had passed away a couple of months before.
In both cases what amazed me was the strength and resilience of the two matriarchs. In my family most women of the senior generations are home makers. The men take care of fiances, the work out side the home. The two women my Mami ( maternal Aunt) and my Masi( mother's sister) are simple small town women. Their first priority being their husband and children. They are oblivious to a lot of things in the outside world. In fact I was left stammering a few years back when one of my Aunt's had asked me what does " gay" mean :) They have led pretty cocooned lives. They have their principals and values they live by. Both these women have extreme amounts of inner strengths. They have kept up with the changing times. They never clipped the wings of their children. Coming from a strict pure vegetarian to the extent of never consuming garlic or onions, today their children eat non-vegetarian food. Sure , they have to eat it on the stairs of the family, but like my Masi said, I don't want them to lie and do things behind my back. I couldn't help but giggle at the imagery of my cousins stuffing their mouths with tandoori chicken, happy, yet the joy doubled because the pleasure is mixed, it is forbidden food, yet under the watchful eyes of their mother's. ....
My Mami , when she lost her husband had three marriageable aged daughters , her youngest, a son, was still a student of junior college. What amazed me was how these tow ladies faced the tragedy of their lives with such grit and grace. I have never heard them whine, try to get sympathy, they never wept copiously like a lot of other women I've seen weeping over far lesser pains in life. Both these women, showed respect to their husbands, they never stopped smiling. They executed the plans made by their husband's in a way as to best honor their memories. I found these two ladies least judgemental. My Masi blinked back her tears as she said, I will just smile and finish all the ceremonies of the wedding.That's dignity....
I was so proud to be the niece of both these Aunts of mine. Life is yin and yang. Where there is happiness, there is sorrow. The greatest of teachers of all religions and cults try to teach us to be detached, to become indifferent to pleasures and pains of life. I've have experienced it first hand and I have seen these two women of simple faith. They are no religious fanatics, they don't shout their beliefs from rooftops, they don't force their views on any one. They have not only understood, they are living proof of what even saints took years to achieve. They did not become immune to either pleasure or pain, they just learnt to take both as they come, with a lot of grace. They continued to live. They made peace with themselves. They went out of their way to ensure the happiness of their children does not get eclipsed because of their personal loss. They know , even if they haven't articulated it, children are the future, it ( their future)must not be burdened with the baggage's of the past. Both dressed up nicely, smiled through ceremonies, genuine smiles. Gave blessings from their hearts. Another thing I noticed, both have the least ailments in my family. They don't resist changes, they love freely, forgive easily, they plan, they execute , hence there is no disharmony in their body. I've learnt a lot in these two episodes from two of my dearest Aunts, life is a full circle. Life is black and white and all shades in between. I understood only happiness can never be achieved. It is complimented and enhanced through sorrow. I understood grace in real life. Maybe I should rename this post...Grace under fire....
In a structure, pillars do not make themselves obvious..though they are the reason for the structure to exist ... it is not without reason women are called the pillars of strength in a family ... just as this passage suggests strength, grace and faith comes in all packages and more often than not from the women , the matriarch of the family whom even fate has taken for granted. Her world is her family , unconditional love and sacrifice for the greater good are just but a part of her life .... there is a lot to learn from them ... this very emotional and touching passage makes one think of the women who are the basic fabric of family ... superb :)
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