Saturday 3 December 2011

Death of a relationship....

Relationships are organic in nature. They need to be nurtured everyday. They need to be taken care of, given nourishment of care, time, they need to be pruned from time to time and they die...

Relationships are of utmost importance in my life, be it friendship, love affairs, parents, siblings, relatives whatever the tag on the plant, they are important. Some relationship are like creepers, sucking the very life and joy out of you, some are like poison ivy, they kill its very host, some are like fragrant flowers leaving behind an aroma long after they cease to exist.

People to me means relationships. Relationship is just a tag, yet the definition and meaning in your life changes from person to person. I have a relationship with my bai. She is a friend to me, she's seen me ill, down in the dumps, I confide in her when I'm broke. My friend M is who I call my soul sister, she is more than just a friend. She and I share a symbiotic relationship. We intuitively know when the other is in some soup, we share tips to enhance our lives, we discuss our husband and children and then when we get busy we don't talk for weeks, we never apologise when do get back in touch, there is just no need. My best friend since I was a tender 15 year old and I have not lived in the same town since college. We don't exchange too many phone calls or mails, yet when we talk its as though we had hung up just a few hours earlier. Sometimes strangers fulfil the need in you , the void that your own parents couldn't  understand much less fill. A husband becomes the mentor you never had, a lover, that breeze of fresh air that tells you life is beautiful.

I feel blessed to have a life full of wonderful, variant, enriching relationships. I had a teacher in school, she was just a dream come true. Her perfect diction in English, her mellow manner just made us all fall in love with her. She was patient, always courteous always there with a helping hand and a confidential ear. For me she became my muse in those young years. I wrote poetry and short stories inspired from her and to impress her.

I've met people in the train on a plane, heard their life stories, forged deep friendships, All my travels across the world I don't remember the names of places I saw, I remember every conversation I had, I remember the relationship I made....I never said relationships are for life. Every relationship has its own life term. Perhaps the duration of a journey, or a few days, maybe a few decades, maybe lifetimes....Yet they all end, sooner or later....

Some relationships are murdered by our egos, someone doesn't live up to our expectation, or we feel let down, sometimes its a quarrel and then a heart to proud to make the first move. Sometimes things just don't work out, sometimes the paths diversify, yet other times the heart just leaves the relationship, they people still together yet the relationship dies. As many relationships perhaps those many ways of death too.

like the death of a person, death of a relationship leaves a void, you know you need to move on, it doesn't exist any more, but memories hold you back, you carry around a carcass and soon the stink becomes unbearable. Like death this end too needs proper mourning and grieving. People think why what's there to it. It wasn't working, It was your decision so now why the act of being depressed or sad. Decision or not, it held meaning while it lasted. Like a person who would be missed but never replaceable, no relationship can be replaced either...before moving on, it needs to be given its dues. It needs a proper burial and grieving time.

Death of a relationship doesn't happen necessarily in grand moments of drama, usually by the time of death, all the drama is long over. It stops beating like the heart in one split second. Like the last breath exhaled, it soft....
Today I sensed one of my relationships is in the ICU, fighting to live, it wants to hold on for some more time. Yet the indifference around it makes it difficult to breathe... The nourishment it needs is no longer available....I hope it will mange to pull through with its inner strength, perhaps it will, perhaps not.... Just knowing its in critical condition is making me sad.....

I know endings are just as important as  beginnings. I know sometimes acceptance is the best thing to do, accept the changing situation, changing roles and the change in the status of a relationship. Sometimes you fight to keep something alive, sometimes you quietly let it go....I am grateful for having so many lovely people, all who became my teachers and students, all who i have loved deeply. You may not be with me any more...your memories yet linger on.... :)



1 comment:

  1. This a very very poignant , thought provoking passage where every paragraph holds a potent seed on learning... a learning that is within, that rouses the inner understanding of you vis-a-vis the world around ... the HOWS and WHY'S literally unfold automatically when the reader starts to co-relate with the thoughts expressed ... death of any kind around us is painful... and we as god's creatures , who are sent on this mortal plane for a specific purpose, tend to get attached to the other variables of life ... It is just but a paradox that in this very world where LOVE is taught learnt and experienced ... we should also learn to detach.... congratulations on this brilliant piece of work

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